I am in a wierd place in life right now, and I have been here since the beginning of the summer. Sine I have been married and in the real world, I have been stessed out for one reason or another. I take on too much, and I know it, but I don't feel like I ever have a choice, so that is why I do too much. I keep telling myself that all the things I am doing right now will pay off, but now I am questioning that. I am now to the point of being so stressed out that it is causing me to be physically ill. The pressure I feel is so intense sometimes, I feel like my head will explode...literally. I will say that 2009 has been the most stressful year of my life, which says a LOT considering the last 5 years of my life. I am really learning to cut people slack, because I know how I feel when someone expects me to be perfect and don't take into consideration what I am going through. I get angry sometimes when people say, "I know how you feel", when I know they have no idea how I feel. I don't need the sympathy, I just don't like it when people try to relate when they don't have a clue. When I don't know how somone feels about something, I tell them that I can't understand how they feel, but I am here for them to talk to.
I thought by selling River's edge, we would be less stressed, but that does not seem to be the case. I am still in school full time and working full time, and trying to be the best mom I can be full time. the things that stress me out the most are coming home to a dirty house, and trying to figure out finances without river's edge. FINANCES were supposed to get easier when we sold the business! For some strange reason, I can't let go of the fact that we don't have to pay taxes monthly, and we don't have rent to pay. I also can't seem to grasp the fact that Mike and I get paid twice a month now, instead of everyday. This is such a learning process! It is wierd to go to the grocery store and have a list with a buget.
The icing on my cake is that I just got promoted. This is such a great thing, but it comes with a little pressure. I have to be in Albuquerque for the first two weeks of December (wich also happens to be finals week) to take tests so I can sell insurance. I love the insurance business, and I can't wait to start my new position, but I am a little frazzled right now. I think I am more stressed out about being alone in a big city without Mike and the kids, than the tests. Oh well, it is just one more thing I have to get through.
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2 comments:
Oh, sweet Carrie - Hang in there! 2209 is almost over and you CAN make it to the end. 2010 is sure to be MUCH better. Be sure to eat some black-eyed peas on New Year's Day to help your luck along. (I totally believe in this kind of thing - and the knocking on wood thing.)You are so strong, and you will emerge from this HORRIBLE year stronger, better, wiser and happier. Yes, I truly believe that. I wish that Houston and Ruidoso were closer. You could use some girl time. May the Lord send peace to you during this yucky time. I pray that you will feel His love and hear Him cheering you on. May you feel His arms wrap around you when the moment seems too heavy. It helps me to go outside and take some deep breaths sometimes. It's amazing how doing so gives you an extra boost. And well, we all need extra boosts sometimes. I'll be praying for you. HANG IN THERE and know that I'm pulling for you down here in Sugar Land.
I really appreciate what you said about people acting sympathetic when they really have no idea what you're going through. I felt that kind of annoyance/anger when I was prego with Rhett. I was sooooooooooo sick and soooooooooooo miserable and needed soooooooooooo much help. I HATED it when someone said something about how they threw up in the morning when they were pregnant. Big whoop! I'd have given my right arm to only throw up in the mornings. I'd have given my left arm to only be sick for twelve hours straight instead of twenty-four hours straight EVERY DAY for SEVEN months. I pretty much want to punch people when they think they know how hard it was. DOUBT IT.
HaHa!!! I know what you mean! Thanks for the encouraging words. They help more than you know. They even put a little tear in my eye. It was something I needed to hear after staying up till one last night working on homework! I wish we lived closer too.
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